Sometimes it seems like the country is against us… against me.
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I was a lesbian. Took me even longer to admit it to others. Why would I admit such an awful thing? It was wrong. It was disgusting. I would burn in hell. I would never be happy if I lived that “lifestyle” so for a long time I didn’t. Guess what… I still wasn’t happy.
I was miserable. If you look at my arms, you can trace the tracks of my misery. I was so brainwashed that I punished myself for being something that was out of my control. Being a lesbian was no more of a choice than being brown-eyed or right-handed.
But, unfortunately for me, I believed a lot of the nonsense that I heard. I lost a lot of years fighting against my authentic self.
While part of me is resentful of the path I’ve traveled during those lost years, there’s a part of me that isn’t. They say there’s a reason for everything. I went through the fire and came out smiling on the other side. My scars are signs of long, hard fought battles that I survived.
And even with all the hatred and ignorance that still exists, I’m still standing where so many other gays and lesbians have fallen.
I count myself as one of the lucky ones.
And as one of the lucky ones, it’s time to share my story. Time to speak up and out. Maybe if I talk often and loud enough, garbage headlines like the ones above will begin to disappear.
I would love to encourage others. Maybe, my little blog will be read by someone who is like I once was. Maybe I can be an inspiration.
I hope you’ll read my story in future blog posts and share it with others. I want the Sheons of the world to know that it may never be perfect, but it will get better.
"I Know Where I've Been"
There's a dream in the future
There's a struggle that we have yet to win
And there's pride in my heart
'Cause I know where I'm going, yes I do
And I know where I've been, yeah